Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
