there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize