I molested 6 butterflies tonight
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
