I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
