I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
