She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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