fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
