well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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