I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
