forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
