I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
