i don't like sucking hair
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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