you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
