Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize