Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
