peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
