he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
