when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
