i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
