The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
