so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
