Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
