I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
