hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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