On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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