I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
