So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
