I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
