If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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