garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
