It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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