Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
