Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
