omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
