remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she smelled like a LAN party
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
