I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
