im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
