Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
