Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
