Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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