there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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