well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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