I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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