It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
