my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
