I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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