can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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