we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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