hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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