I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
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Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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