theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
