the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
