the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
