In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
