I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
