Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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