; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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