My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
