I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
