My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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