people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
