there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
