Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Randomize
Follow @tfln