you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now