dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How does one acquire holy water?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?