im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
