3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.