apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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