I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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