Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
