It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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