He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
