Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
