Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
