My room smells like vodka and shame
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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