so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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